Why you probably need sex therapy.
The Myth vs. the Messy Truth
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Movies make sex look effortless—two people lock eyes, the music swells, and everything just works. No awkward pauses. No mismatched desire. No anxiety. In real life, it’s not that simple.
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Research tells a different story: nearly 40% of women and up to 18% of men struggle with low desire. Around 1 in 6 marriages are essentially sexless. And most couples admit they don’t actually talk about sex in any real way. Its not just the research, I know the research is correct because I see people in my office everyday who have less than optimal sexual functioning.
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The truth? Sex isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, psychological, and deeply relational. It’s about trust, safety, and being seen. That’s the part the movies skip. And it’s exactly what we talk about when you come see me for sex therapy.
What is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy isn’t about fixing what’s “broken.” It’s about understanding why something that should feel natural has started to feel complicated, disconnected, or painful.
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People come to sex therapy for all kinds of reasons—some physical, some emotional, some both. The most common include:
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Low or mismatched desire – when one partner wants more and the other pulls back.
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Erectile or orgasm issues – when performance anxiety takes over the moment.
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Pain during sex – when your body says “no” and you can’t figure out why.
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Aftermath of infidelity or betrayal – when trust is cracked but not beyond repair.
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Porn or fantasy conflicts – when one person’s way of coping becomes the other’s trigger.
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Trauma and shame – when past experiences hijack intimacy in the present.
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Sex after kids, illness, or menopause – when your body and your identity shift and sex suddenly feels foreign.
Most sexual issues aren’t really about sex—they’re about connection. When I do couples work, I use a technique called Emotionally Focused Therapy, which helps you and your loved one see the emotional dance that happens long before the bedroom.
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What kind of dance do I mean? Maybe you pull away when things feel tense. Maybe you push for closeness and your partner shuts down. I help you slow all of that down and helps you both speak what’s really underneath: “I don’t feel wanted.” “I’m afraid I’m failing you.”
When that emotional safety comes back, desire tends to wake up too. The goal isn’t perfect technique—it’s the kind of closeness that makes sex feel alive again. I have been helping couples for more than a decade figure out how to have this conversation.
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Does any of this sound familiar?
You don’t have to keep pretending everything’s fine or hoping it’ll fix itself. Real change starts with an honest conversation—no judgment, no awkward lectures. Just space to get real about what’s actually happening between you.
Let’s talk about it. Text me at (417) 768-9089, email me at shirahearnlmft@gmail.com or you can book an appointment online here. Please note that not all my availability shows on my booking site.